What Did You Say?

An Observation About Gunfights, Movies, and My Ringing Ears

There are a few things that Hollywood gets wrong in the movies. Now, I understand that when you watch a movie, you have to suspend reality a little bit. I mostly do. I can live with the car that jumps a river and somehow keeps driving, or the hero who gets punched through a wall and walks it off.

But one thing has always bothered me.

Gunfights.

In the movies, people unload what seems like half the ammunition supply of the Western Hemisphere. Pistols, rifles, shotguns, and automatic weapons. Boom. Boom. Boom. The room fills with smoke, the bad guys fall down, and the hero reloads with dramatic flair.

Then everyone starts talking.

Calmly.

Normally.

Like they are sitting in a coffee shop.

Now, if you have ever actually been around firearms, you know that is not how that works. When a gun goes off, there is the blast of the gunpowder and the sonic crack of the round leaving the barrel. It is not polite. It is not subtle. It is loud in a way that feels like the air itself just punched you in the head.

Unless you are wearing hearing protection, your ears will notice.

And by “notice,” I mean they will stop working for a while.

Your hearing goes fuzzy. Everything sounds distant. There is ringing. Lots of ringing. The kind of ringing that makes you wonder if someone hid a tiny alarm clock inside your skull.

I know this because I have tinnitus.

Years of being around loud things will do that to you. Guns, helicopters, sirens, life in and around emergency services. It all adds up eventually.

Sometimes I joke about it.

Sometimes I say, “What did you say?” even when I heard exactly what was said.

Just ask my wife. She will tell you I cannot hear anything these days.

Occasionally, that works to my advantage.

But most of the time it does not.

Right now, as I sit here typing on my keyboard, there is a full orchestra of ringing in my ears. A high-pitched whine that never quite goes away. It is like living with a tiny, invisible mosquito that never stops buzzing.

So when I watch those movie scenes where a dozen guns go off in a small room and the characters immediately start whispering to each other about the next step in their plan, I cannot help but laugh.

Because in real life, the conversation would go something like this.

“What did he say?”

“I don’t know.”

“WHAT?”

“I SAID I DON’T KNOW.”

“WHY ARE YOU YELLING?”

“I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”

Hollywood could make those scenes more realistic, but it would probably sound like two people shouting nonsense at each other for ten minutes.

Which, now that I think about it, might actually be closer to real life.

Of course, my wife would probably say that is already what it sounds like when she talks to me.