The Case for Suspenders
Suspenders, Braces, and Keeping your Pants Up
I started wearing suspenders. I love them. My wife says they make me look nerdy. I told her, “I’m 56 years old, I’m not trying to impress girls at the bar anymore. Besides, I already got the one I wanted, and it’s you.”
That did not help my argument as much as I thought it would.
When I wear them with a suit, they suddenly become “stylish.” Apparently, suspenders with a suit make you look distinguished, maybe like a lawyer from 1958 or a jazz musician who drinks bourbon correctly. But when I wear them with jeans, she says I look like a farmer.
Honestly, I take that as a compliment. Farmers wake up early, fix things with their hands, and feed the rest of us while we complain about grocery prices. If suspenders put me in that category, I’m doing alright.
Now firefighters, they wear suspenders too. Big red suspenders. You know why firefighters wear suspenders? To keep their pants up. That is it. No philosophy. No fashion statement. Nobody at the firehouse was standing around saying, “You know, this really completes the outfit.” The suspenders had a job to do. Firefighters appreciate equipment that works.
I was talking to a friend the other day who was giving me grief about wearing suspenders. Now, for full disclosure, I have a belly. So does he. So do most of my friends our age. A belt digs into your stomach after a while. You spend the whole day adjusting it, loosening it after lunch, pretending you are comfortable when you are not. Suspenders solve the problem. They quietly hold everything where it is supposed to be without cutting you in half.
There is something philosophical about suspenders. A belt squeezes. Suspenders support. Maybe that is what happens when you get older. You stop choosing things because they look cool and start choosing things that work better. Comfort becomes wisdom.
And today they even make suspenders you can wear under your shirt. Comfortable and discreet. Most people do not even know I have them on. Which makes me laugh because people have strong opinions about suspenders, yet half the time, they probably do not even notice them.
So, for all of you suspenders skeptics out there, I like mine, and I am keeping them. At some point in life, you stop dressing for approval and start dressing for peace. Suspenders, oddly enough, are a small kind of peace.